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Blisters In The Pit Of My Heart

by Martha

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1.
Christine 01:57
I’ve been messed up in my head, Since I finished watching threads, When I couldn’t sleep for weeks, Seeking shelter in the sheets. Have I always been like this? Like a toothy teenage kiss? Like the Labrador we miss? Like the tape hiss? But at a party all the planets got in line, Passion forged under a four pound box of wine, That’s when you knew, when you felt certain it was love, He held your hair while you were throwing up, I never heard a more romantic story. Christine, everybody else just bores me. And when the bombs begin to drop, And my skin is dripping off, I’ll remember you in all your glory. I don’t want to feel this awful anymore, 10,000 steps is such a long walk to your door Have I always been like this? Like a toothy teenage kiss? Like a fallout-shelter piss? Like a dog death? I never heard a more romantic story.
2.
I’ve never been any good at poetry, And I stumble over words from time to time, Tempted by a hangnail I once flayed my middle finger, Butchered cuticles, stain the page like wine, Count the digits. How unsuitable are mine? When it rains, well it really fucking pours, And we made waves, but did my screaming drown out yours? Now here we are mixing metaphors, And sometimes it might seem like we lost the battle, But if no one wins the war, then why keep score? Everything is mediocre, I’m bored and nothing satisfies, An existential crisis mix-tape on repeat until I die, Left decomposing on the floor this routine’s awful for my posture, Looking round for something more, sure that I’d lost you. It might seem like we lost the battle but if no one wins the war, then why keep score?
3.
I was hanging out by the freezers, When I saw you sitting there, Getting bollocked by your supervisor, But you didn’t seem to care. And when it came time to check-out, You stood beside my til, I said “retail is the pits” And then I scanned your anxiety pills, I’m gonna finish what I started I’m gonna go to the supermarket, Straightening my tie, Plucking up the might, To ask you out on Saturday night, Walking you down the aisle, We took some cheap enjoyment, Lamenting neoliberal, Precarious employment, But this flutter in my chest, Keeps on getting scarier, I’m an unexpected item, In your bagging area, Oh oh, when you gonna, when you gonna, Oh oh, when you gonna get off work? If there’s something you’re too shy to say, We can go somewhere more private, If you’re scared of what might happen, You won’t know until you try it, I’m a person, you’re a person, Nothing else is really certain, And the evening is still young, Let’s get out of here and have some fun. We fell in love in a supermarket.
4.
Do Whatever 02:45
Left the office feeling frantic, Tangled up in the semantics, ‘Too polite’ or ‘sycophantic’, Never learned how to relax, So uptight, Chrissy took us for a ride, Down on Sauciehall Street, What it is to be alive, With the whole world at your feet, But I’m not like that today, And it’s weighing on me, No I’m not like that today, Hey sunshine, don’t you want something more? Hey, something you’ve never felt before? I know, I know that I do. Then you had to go and spoil it, In the gender neutral toilet, You said “Honey, this is way bigger than us, In the end we’re all just tiny specks of dust” Tangled up in the semantics, Bisexual and Aromantic, But it’s not like we all have to fall in love, Just think of it like it’s a sleepover club, I’ve spent so long feeling rough, Feeling like I’ve had enough.
5.
From the moment that we met it’s been obvious to me that you’re adept, At finding answers to hard questions, I’m far too squeamish, how can someone be this calm? When confronted with a crime scene that looks like an abattoir? I do not know, Searching for evidence, Hearing footsteps slowly creeping, this is getting much too tense, Come on gumshoe, be the one to help me out, I’ve had trouble sleeping, Since that villain got away, I keep dreaming that he’ll kill us, And we’ll share a shallow grave, There is no one I can trust, And the cops are so corrupt, All protected by the politicians, In these wicked cults, It’s so unjust, Searching for evidence, hearing footsteps slowly creeping, this is getting much too tense, come on gumshoe, be the one to help me out, It’s you (just you) I’d take the case to, no second thought, It’s you (just you) I’d take the case to, to get them caught, Frankly you were born to lead your own detective agency, It’s you (just you) I’d take the case to, I’d take the case to you. Slaughtering the dissidents, Now the coroner is waiting, this is getting much too tense, come on gumshoe be the one to help me out.
6.
It must have been October the last time that we spoke, And though I think about you, I decided that, It’s safer where we left it, safer for us both, That stuff was a million years ago, When you got accepted I went loopy, hoping you’d be on my team When you got accepted I was totally ridiculous, We were the ones who always felt awkward, socially cornered, And I still feel the same, Still dreading the laughter, like what does it matter? It’s not what I’m after anyway. I won’t take a compliment, but I will ruminate for hours on a single mean remark, Collecting them like ornaments, the nasty things that people say that I save up to think about when it gets dark. When you got accepted I went loopy, hoping you’d be on my team When you got accepted I was right. Ten years later I’m so glad that it’s over, But I can’t help feeling like I did that October day.
7.
The autumn forecast’s looking dismal again, This year I’ll spend November in the house, August sort of stifled your potential didn’t it? It’s coyness boy that caught you out, I know you wish for fireworks to light your July sky, I was the dampest box of matches you could ever hope to find, I’m sorry what? I hear you yeah, I was watching the skin peeling of your sunburnt shoulders, I know, I know you only melt in the middle like ice cream and sunscreen, Blisters in the pit of my heart, blisters in the pit of my heart, Our birthdays came and went unnoticed again, You said you knew my star sign from the start, That late September sunshine leaves me pining for June, December boy you got it wrong.
8.
It’s 3 hours before early, And I’m already feeling guilty, Though I know it’s gonna hit me, I’ll drag out the calm before the storm, My mam says don’t get too attached, She knows I fall in love so fast, When it’s clear that it won’t last, But what can I do? How can I concentrate with you throwing that look at me? I want to hold you but I won’t get your smell off me, You’re good for my mind, but not my productivity. So I’ll make the best of what we have got, Knowing that I’ll lose the plot, When this thing that we have had to stop, Yeah, there’s no fix here for you, Disconnection does make sense, But I don’t think in future tense, I can’t keep you in suspense, It seems so cruel.
9.
You tried to play it cool, When the blue lights started flashing, But that calm demeanour slipped, On the day that you got nicked, Cut me open and you’ll see, That same anxiety runs all the way through me, That stick of rock you never licked. All the stories that we tell, Roy and Haley, Curly and Raquel, Romantic reference, Come on tell me what’s your preference? Celebrating my love for you, With a stick’n’poke and an Iron Brew, Wondering if you can even tell? Finding some excuse to walk in your direction, Bathe you in concealed affection, Subtlety’s a word I cannot spell, But it’s probably just as well. Here’s the rub, they bulldozed the companions club, Now we’ve gotta learn to occupy our time, Kicking stones, so it goes, All our favourite haunts are closed, Let’s sack it off and play a board game back at mine. Weatherfield Mademoiselle, Thinking back to Curly and Raquel, On your arrival, I can stick on the subtitles. Celebrating my love for you, With a cherry pop and a bad tattoo, And wondering if you can even tell? Finding some excuse to walk in your direction, Bathe you in concealed affection, Subtlety’s a word I cannot spell, But it’s probably just as well. It’s the story of, A lonely kid who fell in love, When you spray painted ‘ACAB’ on the wall, Of the local village hall. Celebrate my love for you with a stick and poke tattoo.
10.
Do Nothing 06:58
You called in sick for work, Leaving some details unspoken, And spent the day in bed, Cause your beating heart was broken, Paracetamol and Countdown, On mute on the TV, Thinking “have I always been like this?” The arithmetic repeats, Mulling over your achievements, Everything you haven’t done, Chalking off another milestone, Close the curtains, set the sun, Never ever wanna ever wanna go outside, Pull that duvet close and tight, Just ignore the dying light, Count back to one, They say do whatever feels right, But nothing ever feels right, Weighing up the options, Do nothing, do nothing. Do nothing all day, when that song plays, your hands cover your face, Feels like nothings ever gonna change, Years ago sat by the road, Waiting for the van to tow us home, I was cursing my old car, And you were looking at the stars and you said, “Everything is infinite but nothing is eternal” “Naïve romantic shite” I thought until I wrote it in my journal. I won’t ever claim to have an answer, I’m just hoping there’s a chance that, When the darkness gets around to leaving, We can get together for an evening, Nothing is eternal, Nothing is eternal, Everything is infinite, But nothing is eternal.
11.
We are not worthy to receive you, We are the daughters and the sons, We are the hand-me-down trousers, The blazers and blouses, And I have never owned, A belt a suitable fits, About our different hips, I’ve grown as big as I can be, As small as when you found me, Humming ‘Bastards of Young’ Blessed Mother what a mess, The broken ladder of success, Holy Mary what a mess, The broken ladder of success, They wrote a letter to your parents, They caught you kissing on the bus, But when they asked you said nothing, Those lines are not for crossing, The damage has been done, We are not worthy to receive you, We are the daughters and the sons, We are the second hand trousers, Blazers and blouses, Irredeemable ones.

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released July 1, 2016

Mastered by Dave Williams at Eight Floors Above, Ottawa, Canada.

All songs by Martha

(Nathan Stephens Griffin, J. Cairns, Naomi Griffin and Daniel Ellis).
Backing Vocals on ‘Chekhov’s Hangnail’ by Ellis Jones.

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Martha Durham, UK

Martha is a pop band from Durham city.

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